Carmex Debacle Accuracy Questioned

PRESS RELEASE: MPT, 1/25/2005

The MPT has announced an internal investigation regarding accusations of inaccuracy in the "Carmex Debacle" report. One of the principles involved, who this organization respects greatly as the pinnacle of all things truthful, has questioned the veracity of the report.

As posted on this very blog, she objected to the strength and number of the swear words.

As a result of these accusations, two fact checkers have been fired (although one went to work for CBS, and the other for Rush Limbbaugh). Additionally, the producer of the segment will go on unpaid, working suspension.

When asked to comment, "Magic Man" has said that he will hope to make reparations by purchasing several bottles of Carmex for his wife.

Fantasy Football Banquet Tournament

So my FFL league and I got together on Friday for ribs at the great Twin Anchors followed by a short Hold Em tourney afterward. My night didn't go well. I felt that being very aggressive pre-flop was going to be the key for me, so when I hit AKs UTG, I raised to 5x BB all day.

Half that table called me. Flop came rags. Checked around. 4rth was a 4. I think to myself, that couldn't have helped anyone really, could it? Don't these people have to have bigger cards to be playing in this pot? I take a stab with a pot-sized bet. Everyone calls.

Oops. River is a scare card in that it shows a good straight possibility. But my betting pattern didn't fit a small straight draw, so I figured a bluff wasn't going to work (particularly with all these people). So I checked and it got checked around. Winner had 3 4s.

My next best hnad was A6s which led to nothing. I could barely cover the blinds when I called a seemingly weak all in with 23s, and didn't improve for a 5th place finish.

A couple quotes from the evening:

"I get everything about Hold 'Em except for that Blind thing."

"Man, after those 4 straights, my cards just stopped coming."

"What are the odds of a pocket pairs two hands in a row?"
"I think 255-1."
"oh."

The next MPT event is 2/12 location TBA. Depending on # of players, we may just expand the levels and go for 1 tournament for the night.

The Carmex Debacle

I'm taking time out from poker for a short peek into my oh-so interesting personal life. It's cold outside, and it's dry everywhere. While not one to use Chapstick or Carmex on a regular basis, I felt the need one night last week to lend a hand to my bleeding lips.

Now, my wife uses Carmex everyday, so she feels a certain sense of ownership over it. She used to regularly brag about having the same jar of Carmex since she was in High School ("It was 29 cents!").

So I am a little hesitant to even use the stuff, becuase she has a tendency to be....particular in it's usage. I poke my middle finger into it, get a little too much and slather it on my lips. Now, I think I probably got too much, seeing as when I try to put my lips together normally, there is 1" of goop intbetween them, but I don't really think too much about it. It's $1.29 of Carmex, what's the difference I foolishly tell myself.

As I settle into my nighttime routing of watching TIVO'd "Futurama," my docile, beautiful wife is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Before the beginning credits end, I hear a shreik coming from the bathroom that I'm sure woke the baby. Thoughts rattle around in my head - what did I do to cause this - I could tell from the tone that the scream was directed at me. " Beard trimmings in the sink? No. Toilet seat up? No. Did I close the shower curtain? Yes."

After a slew of swear words that would shock all but the most seasoned sailors, my wife not so calmly informs me of my sin. I left a big hole in her perfect crater of Carmex. "EVERYTIME you use it, you ruin it. Now I have to suffer with this bad Carmex."

Logic was of no help to me. "Did I change the chemical composition of it? Or did I not ruin it at all."

Suffice to say that wasn't the best response. Ever since then, she has forgotten about the Carmex before she goes to bed. And every night she gets reminded and we have a small little repeat of the original incident.

So let this be a warning to all of you out there. Be careful with Carmex.

The End of Western Civilization

Scorcese and DeNiro are discussing making a sequel to "Taxi Driver." I'm sorry, but if there's one movie, one character that deserves not to suffer the indignity of having a fading star actor try to revive his career with a sequel, it's Travis Bickle.

BTW - How is it that he gets so much cred at this stage of his career? "Meet the Fockers" ? Did anyone see "Frankenstein"? He's two steps away from Dustin Hoffman at this point.

Let it go Bobby, let it go.

Results from Disney Invitational

It was the start of a new year, and a return to form for many stars of the MPT. In the first tournament, Regulator went heads up with Dan with a huge lead. Instead of taking the easy way out and offering a chop, he tempted fate, and fate beat him upside the head with a baseball bat.

Regulator's curse of being the only regular without a victory remains unbroken. In the second tournament, Squeaky won. As much as it pains me to write it, he actually played well all night, and earned his victory without having the nuts as people went all in in front of him.

Coupled with his 3rd place finish in Tourney 1, he is the leader for MPT Player of the year.

Other notes:
Magic Man: Simply didn't get any cards. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Musky Boy: Had second best hand and pushed it hard. Right hand, wrong time.

Beginner's Luck: Proving his nickname is apt.

Rizzo: Played his aggressive style to an early out.

When asked for comments, Musky Boy offered the following gems of wisdom.

"Squeaky played not so Squeaky. But remember, he started out last year very strongly and crumbled as the year went on. Dan just got lucky. Ken couldn't back up his talking, and the next game is 2/12."

Breaking News

Mears is going to be joining us on two conditions. First, he needs to be mentioned here. Who knew that this site was going to be so popular. Well Mears, here's your mention. The second condition was that he get a nickname.

So in concurring with Tournament Director Musky Boy, we came up with several alternatives. And please, this is riveting entertainment if there ever was any, so pay close attention.

Nominees:

Stay-Puft - My thought was "Ralph is a food salesman, so is Mears. Sara Lee sells Stay Puft, and Mears plays soft." This was disregarded becuase it could be mis-interpreted.

Sara - As in who he works for.

Junior, Shick - He looks like he hasn't shaved yet.

Minnie (Mouse) - He's Squeaky's protege (or is that vice versa?)

MasterDealer - For his dealing prowess. Dicarded becuase we'd have to rename Musky Boy to MasterBaiter, and that's just not right.

Dave and John's Golf Skins game beyotch - Not really related to poker is it?

Muck or Muckster - For Mucking a winning hand. Problem is, Regulator did that too, so it's not appropriate.

PermaBeer, BeerMilker - PermaBeer sounds like he's always drinking beer, and we know that's not true.

AND THE WINNER IS:

MonoBeer: For his 'drinking' habits.

By the way, Mears' addition does nothing to the odds, as he is strictly in the donator category until he places in the money at least once.

Also, as an aside, Dan is very close to being officially dubbed neveraise or Good Ole Calling Station.

Odds for the Disney Invitational

With the 15th quickly approaching, expert oddsmakers have been diligently preparing odds for the Disney Invitational. The tournament was recently renamed to the "Dinsey Invitational" from the "McPherson Classic." Tournament Director Squeaky McPherson had this to say "I wanted to pay homage to the mouse that I pattern my play after."

Odds makers are apparently heavily weighing recent performance, with recent winners at the top of the list:

Musky Boy: 3.5 - 1
W Rizzo: 3.5 - 1
Doc: 5 - 1
Squeaky: 8 - 1
Beginner's Luck: 8 - 1
Magic Man: 17-1
HalfMan 1/4 Amazing: 17-1
Broege: 35 - 1
Regulator: 35 - 1

Our Insider had these comments. With W Rizzo's new game style, he will be very difficult to deal with. Preflop aggression counter acts even superior skill. And since there is no superior skill in this game, he has to be the favorite. Musky Boy has attained his co-favorite status after using dominating late game play to earn the title of 2004 MPT Champion. Although his main goal isn't winning, he is always around with a few chips late, and can't be completely discounted.

Doc is a solid player who people just think is due for some kind of win. Squeaky would have been rated higher, except that everyone knows he will fold under any pressure late unless he gets huge pairs. And Beginner's Luck has been flush with success as of late, although most attribute this to what poker players call "variance."

Magic Man is middling, although many expect 2005 to be a break out year for him. HalfMan 1/4 Amazing has been seriously downgraded due to his play in the hand that led him to victory in the first tourney of the Championship event.

Greg Broege is always dangerous if he gets superior cards. And the Regulator brings up the end, due to his mental block in this game. As soon as he learns not to bet his weak pair into trips, he will move up the ranks.

Things that do NOT annoy me

1. Watching a movie you've never heard of for the first time, and having it be real good. "Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter" is one for me.

2. Cleavage.

3. The book "Hollywood Babylon." Good cheap quick read.

4. Jayne Mansfield in anything.

5. The Chicago Tribune stick figure ad.

6. The Dove ad with Cartoon women changing thier hair styles.

7. The "Little House" ad.

8. No NHL

9. Every day leading up to the NFL Draft.

10. The Bulls over the last 4 weeks.

11. Having the time to watch "The Maltese Falcon" - what a great movie that is.

OT: Things that annoy me.

I have a lot of bad karma, becuase I'm constantly irritated by things. So in an effort to excise my demons, I'm going to list out the things that annoy me, and then later things that do NOT annoy me.

Things that DO Annoy me:

1. Incorrect use of the word literally. As in "my eyes literally jumped out of my head." No they did not.

2. Using First Annual instead of Inaugural.

3. People who walk slowly down Adams when I'm trying to get to work.

4. Use of the phrase "untimely" death.

5. The Bears

6. Bad beat stories other than mine (and Musky Boy's, what can I say, I love to see him in pain)

7. The Straw Man defense

8. 3 hour commutes.

9. 12 inches of snow.