The Carmex Debacle

I'm taking time out from poker for a short peek into my oh-so interesting personal life. It's cold outside, and it's dry everywhere. While not one to use Chapstick or Carmex on a regular basis, I felt the need one night last week to lend a hand to my bleeding lips.

Now, my wife uses Carmex everyday, so she feels a certain sense of ownership over it. She used to regularly brag about having the same jar of Carmex since she was in High School ("It was 29 cents!").

So I am a little hesitant to even use the stuff, becuase she has a tendency to be....particular in it's usage. I poke my middle finger into it, get a little too much and slather it on my lips. Now, I think I probably got too much, seeing as when I try to put my lips together normally, there is 1" of goop intbetween them, but I don't really think too much about it. It's $1.29 of Carmex, what's the difference I foolishly tell myself.

As I settle into my nighttime routing of watching TIVO'd "Futurama," my docile, beautiful wife is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Before the beginning credits end, I hear a shreik coming from the bathroom that I'm sure woke the baby. Thoughts rattle around in my head - what did I do to cause this - I could tell from the tone that the scream was directed at me. " Beard trimmings in the sink? No. Toilet seat up? No. Did I close the shower curtain? Yes."

After a slew of swear words that would shock all but the most seasoned sailors, my wife not so calmly informs me of my sin. I left a big hole in her perfect crater of Carmex. "EVERYTIME you use it, you ruin it. Now I have to suffer with this bad Carmex."

Logic was of no help to me. "Did I change the chemical composition of it? Or did I not ruin it at all."

Suffice to say that wasn't the best response. Ever since then, she has forgotten about the Carmex before she goes to bed. And every night she gets reminded and we have a small little repeat of the original incident.

So let this be a warning to all of you out there. Be careful with Carmex.