Poker Gods

Long live to Poker Gods? They can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned. Fortunately the month of February is almost over concluding what will be (to date) the worst month of Poker of my life. Live.. on-line it didn't matter. The Poker Gods kicked me in the balls and whilst I was bent over from the pain, twirled me around and F#*#ed me right in the ass (no lubricant required, no lubricant needed). It didn't matter how well (or poorly) I played, sometimes they would tease me and give me a glimmer of hope, other times they pummeled me like a red headed step child.

Let me bore you with some details, starting with the two biggest f'ings of the month, each cost me over $50 and each time the Poker Gods left me hanging in the breeze wondering, "what the hell just happened." I can still hear them laughing. Playing $2/$4 limit Hold'em on Party Poker (I did receive a crappy hat for my troubles, maybe I will sport it at the next game - if I don't dump gasoline on it and burn it first or wipe my ass with it) I lost with Four of a Kind not once but twice!!!!! Both times getting the quads on the flop and getting the old sledgehammer firmly imbedded in the old pooper when my opponent hit higher quads on the river. Shit, I thought I had hit the mother load, betting re-raising, capping on flop, turn and river. But alas, I had to walk away from the table sore and a little poorer. I will point out that in my brief poker playing career, I have yet to meet anybody who has lost even once with Quads (I guess I should have known and folded on the flop).

But those Poker Gods have a sick and twisted sense of humor.

In another two excrutiating hands the Poker Gods thought it humorous to take my set and flush it down the drain by giving my opponent the old Runner Runner for Quads to again beat me into submission. Now you may say, Muskyboy if your opponent has a decent PP you might not be able to get them to fold in limit hold'em. I would have to respond with "how right you are", but this wasn't the case. In both instances my "highly educated" opponent stayed in the hand to my raises flopping bottom pair (yes you are correct they only had one of the impending quad cards in their hand pre-flop) and hitting the runners. Sure shit like that is going to happen playing poker. The odds are only 46 to 1 against hitting your one outer on the river. Khyle can calculate the odds of hitting both cards on the turn and river. But I defy you to find anyone that has had it happen twice in the month.

You would think after kicking my ass like that twice they would take pity on my poor soul and allow me to regain my dignity with Pocket Aces, but nooooooooo. They rubbed the stay hard cream on their collective willy and continued pumping. Now I will admit that I blundered in one of these AA settings, by not raising pre-flop, but............... oh screw it, I now know that the top hand to play against Pocket Rockets, the ole American Airlines, is the monster starting hand of 10 3 suited. I mean, sure this is a monster starting hand and I should have known better to try and play AA against it, but you figure my winning percentage with AA and against 10 3 sooooootttttttteeeeeddd should be better that 0%. But the flushes came, oh my god did the flushes come during the month of February. Not for me, no sirree, I couldn't draw out a flush to save my life. There was one cure for those players, during the month, who were behind in their statistically expected flushes...... it was me. I lost to a flush on the river so many times..................... I'm surprised that nobody got hit (Thank God the dog knows to stay away from me when I'm playing cards). Statstically, when sitting with a four flush with one card to come the odds are 4 to 1 against hitting the fifth flush card. Well I tell you these calculated odds are wrong. The odds of someone hitting a flush against me are probably in the 1 to 1 or 1 to 2 range with the odds of me hitting the flush probably less than 20 to 1. It probably averages out to 4 to 1, but that average has my money going t0 somebody else.

I could go on for days about the 5 straight AQ openers that flopped an A but ran into AK (yes five in a row) or the 12 straights that I lost in a row (see the flush debacle above), or the fact that I am winning only 47% of the hands that I hit a full house. But really that would be whining.

They say that over the long run that the cards will break even, just ask Khyle and he will tell you about that theory.

When the Poker Gods brought out the Hammer, they apparently only brought one horseshoe which went right up Lucky PP's ass, and they must had decided to perfect their trade by just jamming that Hammer up mine. Well, I suppose I could sacrifice a virgin to the gods to appease them for my sins against poker (whatever they may be) but that search could take years and there is no guarantee that I will find one. Well Joboo (how ever you spell it) if you no help me now I say Fuck You, I'll do it myself!!!!!!!