Big Book of Magic & Gay Zebras

The MPT championship was won on Saturday. I don't know who won it, because I was soundly asleep at home, after being eliminated. However, the highlights were provided in the first tournament.

Evidence:

Squeaky proclaiming that Tabatha's kid-toy Zebra (from the Little People Noah's Ark set) was gay. We're not sure how Squeaky knows about the sexual proclivities of inanimate plastic animals, but it's kinda scary. He kept saying "look at him, he's flaunting that ass in my direction. BASTARD."

Also, Squeaky reminded me of the flight home from Vegas. A 19 year old girl (or so), was sitting across the aisle from him. She was wearing a very low cut top, and had some kind of sweater tied tightly under her chest, so as to lift and emphasize cleavage. Squeaky had a tough time making it through "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." At one point, he leaned over and said "thank god above for turbulence."

The other recurring theme of the night was my forthcoming book. Some chapters (and their inspirations):

• Chapter 1: If you can check or fold, checking is always the best option (Beginner's Luck)
• Chapter 8: If you slow play your three Ts, with two on the board (twice), don't whine about losing when your hand is beat after a second A falls. (Dead Money)
  
• Chapter 10: Don't try and bluff a guy who never folds (me)
• Chapter 16: Sometimes when you want action with AA, you're gonna get called by K3 and the board will come K3x. (Musky Boy).
• Chapter 19: Losers always bitch (Regulator, et al)

BTW - TAFKAUB is now going to be referred to (by me) as BIL-LY. I'm not going to support the other proposed nickname, even if it did elicit a chuckle. The one significant hand I recall from that tourney was against BILLY. I called with 89s, and he raised, as he had done with a wide variety of hands. I pushed all in for more than twice the pot. I was utterly horrified when he turned over his hand because it was Kojack, which is my death hand.

However, I pulled a straight on the river to double up. Which kept him complaining throughout the rest of the night. Serves him right for calling that bet with KJ.

The only other thing that happened of significance was Reg's (and other's) bitching about the blinds, and the levels and all that. I found it funny that it was a problem only after he was out. Personally, I'd like to see one tournament per night with 30 minute blinds. That helps remove the donkey factor a little.

In the championship, Musky Boy lose when his AA was cracked by BILLY's K3. I was taken out when I played a hand with KJ (appropriately enough).

Apparently, Dead Money "rode a wave of 4 and 2 outers to the championship." While he will always be Dead Money, we may have to appoint a secondary nickname. I am hereby suggesting "Energizer Donkey." I stole it from a Bill Rini post - you really need to see the graphic - here.

(* Edit: Full Disclosure: I myself Donked away half of my stack against DM, so it's not like I'm invulnerable to the Donkey virus that invades the MPT once a month).